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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she's often caught off guard by others. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. Many of her social circle disappeared at that point, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. It shocked her. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few close to her have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, although she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing time together, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She is arranging a holiday to a nation I know well on several occasions and lived in for a while. I attempted to share personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really just desired my agreement with her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that place she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Finally involves requesting ways you together going to change the interaction between you."

Consider she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they cannot abandon as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present like this before reflecting about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have closure from having been honest with her.